However we are born into an imperfect world, a world with human limitations. In this place we are exposed to these limitations through our primary caregivers at first. Since they are not perfect nor mind readers, even the best of them will inevitably make mistakes. And the level of severity can vary from oversights to neglect and abuse. Even if the limitations set are in the best interest of the child like for their safety, it can be experienced as a negation to the young child.
When our loving open system bumps up against these imperfections or negations of its flows, it shocks us. Feelings of pain, fear and rage will emerge and overwhelm such a tiny system. The system discharges this energy by crying, screaming, shaking etc…
But this can be all too much for the caregiver, especially during certain stages of development. So what happens is when the child tries to discharge the pain, rage or fear they are often met with perceived hostility that stops or suppresses the flow of these feelings. This secondary negation can be annihilating to the tiny system.
*I’m not suggesting to just allow your children to let it rip however and whenever without any boundaries, but this energy can be redirected instead of shutdown.
And here in lies the creation of the NO. It has become too painful to stay that open all of the time so we contract from life for protection and self-preservation. Now there is a no to life, no to connection, to parts of ourselves and parts of our energy.
These two opposing currents operate in all of us and can cause real suffering when unrealized.
So just for fun try this out:
Find a safe private space where you can make some noise.
Throw your hands in the air and yell “YES!” at the top of your lungs. Then push your hands out in front of you and scream “NO!”
How does it feel? What happens for you?