I just finished binge watching the show Bloodline on Netflix. It was fun and intense to say the least. It inspired me to write this piece because at the root of this family drama lies a deep and profound truth. It is a truth that is a fundamental reason for why I practice Radical Aliveness and why I find it to be so powerful.
Bloodline centers around a somewhat prominent family in the Florida Keys. As time goes by we learn that this family On the outside they seem to have it all together but behind the closed door, it is highly dysfunctional. Then Daniel, the black sheep of the family comes home to everyone’s dismay. And his return wreaks havoc on everyone’s lives as they all spin out of control.
ATTENTION SPOILER ALERT!
Towards the end of the show Daniel’s older brother confronts him as to why he is destroying everyone’s lives. He responds, “Because I want you to feel what I have felt for years”.
Daniel’s character represents a deep truth for all of us. If you are unwilling to feel your own emotions, then you will make other people feel them for you. In the case of Daniel, he is in so much pain that he brings his cruelty out on his family so that they will feel the pain that is so unbearable to him. Unconsciously this is what we do as human beings. Whatever we are unwilling to feel we will put onto others perpetuating a never-ending cycle of unnecessary hurt.
But luckily, things do not have to be in an endless vicious circle if we choose to. Imagine if Daniel was able to get the help he needed, someone who help him grieve through the accidental but tragic loss of the sister, then he would not need to carry on the guilt, pain and carry the blame for the entire family’s loss. Drugs, alcohol, making others pay won’t heal the real wound, but the willingness to feel our pain and the places where we are powerless to change things beyond our control will.
Although this is a fictional story, the character speaks a deep human truth: When we don’t feel our feelings, we project them onto others so they will feel them for us.
Feeling our true emotions can be so transformational. It actually shifts our reality. When you show up differently, people around you change their perceptions and behavior around you.
Who or what is nagging you lately? What do you need to feel about this person or situation so it no longer needs to continue the dysfunction?